Self Mentoring

By Darshana Suresh

So many of us at the end of the Day ponder on this question – Who am I? What is the purpose of this life? Am I seeing myself change each day? Am I living the best of my life? Am I contributing to the world around me?

Sometimes these thoughts give us a sense of insecurity about our lives so much so that we feel that void between where we are now and who we want to be. And to bridge this void we check out videos that inspire us, remind us about our qualities and how we can be better. Or we ask someone for help or to mentor us.

The word Mentor evolved to mean trusted advisor, friend, teacher, and wise person. History offers many examples of helpful mentoring relationships: Socrates and Plato, Haydn and Beethoven, Freud and Jung, Moses and Joshua, Krishna and Arjuna, Confucius and Lao Tzu and the list continues. However, when one is not able to find a mentor or a guide, they have a feeling that there is no way they can take the next step towards success. But the question we need to ask ourselves is: Who knows us better than ourselves? That belief is the step towards self-mentoring.

How can one self-mentor:

1. Reflection: We all have a unique story, and we have been connecting those dots which leads us to where we are now. When we step back and reflect it becomes easier for us to keep pace with our goals and ambitions and the way you can do this is

a) Take a sheet of paper and list down all the experiences coming from your failures which has shaped and molded you into a better person. Some experiences can be painful, but instead of questioning why it happened to you, just witness the event.

• The events which have taught you lessons, connect these events and reflect on how these have helped you and express gratitude that they happened and made you a better person.
• Next step is to draft all the good experiences you have had in two lines and as you recall rekindle that event happening right in front of your eyes
• Now put a smile in your face and feel proud of these accomplishments and express gratitude.
  c) Connect both these events and see what are those dots connecting to, it will help you understand yourself as a person, your behavioral type, a role you can be good at, some clarity on where you are progressing towards.
  d) If these makes you feel blank take a personality test and see in which quadrant, you fit in the best – https://www.16personalities.com/free-personality-test

2. Dream Journaling: After you have your personality and the roles you can fit-in listed in, you can envision who you want to be, which role excites you the most, the roles you are passionate about and write down only 3 roles you envision yourself in. Ask this question – “What am I good at and what am I passionate about?” and devise your goals in a way that you encompass all the skills and the passion.

3) Inspiration: After you have your 3 roles ready, Visit the professional networking sites like LinkedIn or google and check out people who are working in those roles and understand what it takes to reach there. The certifications you can take or how you can level up your experience. Chat with them to better understand what it takes reach up to where they are right now.

To end with, Self-mentorship helps you understand yourself better and creates a path forward. Also, it gives you a sense of realization that we are driven by our own unique experiences, and how can
we keep getting better each day.

International Women’s Day Panel: Successful women sharing their stories

By Luz Flores

International Women’s Day (March 8) is celebrated globally to recognize the social, economic, cultural, and political achievements of women. On Monday, March 8 this year, I had the privilege of taking part in these celebrations.

A week earlier, I got a call from a high school friend of mine, inviting me to participate in a virtual event organized for this occasion by the SUMA Inmobilarias Association in Mexico. I was to be on a panel of women.  The panel discussion would be in Spanish and would be shared live on Facebook and YouTube.

I was really nervous to participate, but said yes to my friend. Toastmasters gave me the confidence that I could do a good job. I needed to prepare my responses to questions that will be asked during the panel discussion. I received the questions Saturday evening, just two days prior to the live event. With very little time to practice, I reviewed my Pathways Level 5 project to prepare for it. That only helped me prepare for the introduction and conclusion well. The actual questions would be asked at random and needed to be answered on the spot. This is where the Table Topics practice during our Toastmasters meetings comes to the rescue.

When the event time arrived on Monday, I was nervous, but ready. I met the rest of the panelists as they were being introduced. We were 7 women: an architect, a public notary, a public accountant, a business administrator, a lawyer, a real estate agent, and me, an engineer. Impromptu speaking became the norm during the discussion. Some questions were modified and adjusted on the spot. Some conversations needed to be continued from panelist to panelist as continued comments. Table topics is so important. You always have to be ready to speak!

Some of the questions addressed: challenges as a woman in our careers; problems in our professional life; balancing our life as a mother, professional, wife, and daughter; status of women today; what it means to be successful; advice to other women; and our current and future professional projects.

I understood from my mom and my husband that I did do a good job. In typical Toastmasters style, I also learned of some areas of opportunities to improve. My high school friend was really happy with the event and my participation. I was happy and relieved after the event!

I felt the support of both City Speech Toastmasters and Word Warriors Club (my home club when I lived in Mexico) as I experienced the event. Thank you all for helping me by way of helping each other to improve and grow as communicators and leaders.

Icebreaker Ceremony at the Word Warriors Toastmaster Club in Toluca, Mexico

By

By Luz Flores,
President, City Speech TM

The ice breaker ceremony and speech were an important experience for all the members at the Word Warriors Toastmaster club in Mexico. Ice breakers started your path and your Toastmaster journey. I was a member of the Word Warriors before moving to California.

Meetings at Word Warriors had the prepared speeches section at the beginning and always started with the Ice breakers. After the break, we would have the ice breaker ceremony, speech evaluations, followed by table topics and general evaluation. The icebreaker ceremony was led by the Club President. During the ceremony the ice was broken literally by the new members and not just verbally. After the ice was broken, the President of the club would give some encouraging words to the member or members who presented the ice breakers.

What was the main ingredient of the icebreaker ceremony? Ice! The member would have a big piece of ice in front of them which they would break with the gavel. All the members cheered and clapped for the new members. After breaking the ice each new member would recite the Toastmasters promise (given below)

As a member of Toastmasters International and my club, I promise:

• To attend club meetings regularly
• To prepare all of my projects to the best of my ability, basing them on the Toastmasters education program
• To prepare for and fulfill meeting assignments
• To provide fellow members with helpful, constructive evaluations
• To help the club maintain the positive, friendly environment necessary for all members to learn and grow
• To serve my club as an officer when called upon to do so
• To treat my fellow club members and our guests with respect and courtesy
• To bring guests to club meetings so they can see the benefits Toastmaster’s membership offers
• To adhere to the guidelines and rules for all Toastmasters education and recognition programs
• To act within Toastmasters’ core values of integrity, respect, service and excellence during the conduct of all Toastmasters activities

Woo your Audience and Build Relationships

by Praveena Raman

With the celebration of St. Valentine’s Day, the month of February has been associated with love and relationships.  In our journey as a Toastmaster we continually strive to build relationships with our speeches, from the very first icebreaker to the professional speeches.  In his article, A Speech is a Love Affair (Toastmaster. February 2015; p14) Toastmaster Jack Vincent mentions that a great speech is like a love affair as we focus on our audience, touch their emotions and also their minds creating an attraction and a connection.  He talks about how to seduce, engage and win the hearts of our audience.  Jack mentions that simplicity sparks emotion and attraction is a strong emotion; so with a simple but attention grabbing opening we can start seducing our audience.  We then nail the seduction with a well-paced speech delivered with genuine confidence.  Jack next discusses how to engage the audience with a well-developed content assuring them of a wonderful journey they will be taking with us and then winning their heart by delivering the content with passion and love.

Let us try and put into practice these recommendations from Jack Vincent and see if we can have a number of love affairs this year.  As you all know to develop a great speech, apart from a powerful topic we need words to help us convey our enthusiasm, our passion, our love so that we can woo our audience properly. To help us in this effort, below is a 7 verse Jingle written in the 1930s by Elizabeth Scott Stam.  It is available on Google, however the below verses are from a submission to The Toastmaster, June 1938;V4(n2):p22.

Once we have wooed and won our audience, let us keep building our relationship, strengthening and maintaining through our Toastmasters journey. In his February 2021 ViewPoint column in the Toastmaster, International President, Richard E. Peck, asks us if we are the String, the Bow or Both in Cupid’s bow? In his view Cupid’s bow can be used to describe relationships and he explains that just as there needs to be a balance between the tautness of the string and the bend of the bow for the perfect release of the arrow, in the same way we need to have the right balance between building and maintaining relationships.

Let’s continue to woo our audience and build our relationships not just this month but this year and more as coming together gives us a sense of belonging and learning and growing together gives us a sense of purpose.

Reflections on a Decade of Toastmasters

By Jeff Young, ACB, ALB, Area I-33 Director

Back in 2010, I was told I couldn’t communicate clearly.  By my manager.  “You tend to stumble over your words.  You speak way too fast for me to follow.  You’re disorganized and I can’t tell where one of your points starts and where it ends, and I think you overshare information.”   While I was a great technical writer, I wasn’t her go-to person when it came to presenting. 

She told me about this club that she was a member of called Toastmasters, and the local chapter was right in my company.   It turned out she was the President of the club.   Most of the members were employees of the company, with a few outside guests.

At first, I thought my mission was to get through the Competent Communicator Manual.  Ten speeches, no sweat, how hard could it be?  Did I really need this course?   Surely I wasn’t that bad of a speaker…

…but then I learned by the feedback and the evaluations that I got that how I saw myself was not the truth.   I got a lot of people telling me to slow down.  To make sure that my points were well outlined.  To provide ‘just enough’ information rather than too much.   I learned that there were tricks to using PowerPoint slides, and how to use them effectively.  I learned that props could be distracting even if they were cool, and how to deal with the dreaded Silence when you ask, ‘Are there any questions?’ 

I started off being afraid of getting up behind that podium.   And somewhere in there, between the speeches and workshops and frequently being Toastmaster, I learned to enjoy it.   I’d still get feedback like, ‘Um, I don’t understand what you’re asking’,  and ‘Can you repeat that again, slower?’ when it came to workshops or running Table Topics (for all you Table Topics Masters… remember to try and keep it simple!)

I learned to love Mondays.   How many people can say that?  My South Bay Toastmasters co-conspirators do!

At two years, three months in, my 10^th speech was about expanding my horizons.  It was a little long, at 13 minutes, and from there, I had the choice to quit, or take the free Advanced Communicator manuals that were the surprise for finishing.    I picked Technical Presentations and Humorously Speaking, because I wanted to actually focus my speeches on the why I joined Toastmasters in the first place, and to learn to be funnier.   And so I kept going.   Ten more speeches.  Three more years. And then after that, I got inspired by someone at the District level who had done –ten- CCs, and so I started another one.   And then I was a beta tester for Pathways.    I’ve given three distinctly different Icebreaker speeches, and each one was better than the last. 

Like so many things in life, we get better with practice.   We get rusty when we don’t practice.   Toastmasters is like that too.  (I love the fact that City Speech managed to get three speakers in when I visited this month.)

I’ve mentored people many times over the years, too.   I always go with the same advice;  ‘there’s nothing to be afraid of except yourself – we’re here to support you, word ‘warts’ and all.’   My teaching style is all about inspiration and improvisation – and teaching helps me slow down in order to be understood. 

I was also active in the Area – volunteering as a judge, target speaker for contests, and when nobody else wanted to step up, I represented my club at the Area Contest.   And I was up against some amazing speakers – and came in dead last.   Mostly because I was scared all over again.  I realized I was comfy speaking in front of my own club, but at the Area level?  That was a whole new ballgame.  Especially when the timer started by showing me the red card first… that threw me off my game right off the bat!

But instead of letting that stop me, I got contact information from the other contestants – and learned from them.  That’s the thing about competitions – your ‘opponents’ are Toastmasters, too.  And we’re all out to help each other be better speakers and leaders.   And that didn’t stop me from going up again, either.  (I came in second that time….out of two.) 

Ten years later, my club is now 90% outside guests, 10% company employees.   People from all walks of life have come through our doors, and we are richer for the experiences.  I’ve learned so many things from so many people – even an Icebreaker can be eye-opening.    We had a brief hiatus when we went on what looked like a temporary lockdown, and like the rest of the Toastmasters universe, we had to adjust to the notion of virtual meetings.   But the fact of the matter is that we’re still showing up even after almost a year of this, and we find reasons to speak every week. 

It’s taken me ten years to step up and volunteer to be an Area Director.  Mostly because I never saw myself as a leader, but leading is not just about ordering people around, it’s learning to connect with strangers and be a resource rather than a manager.   It’s not at all what I expected – it’s mainly a reason to visit new clubs and to get out in front of a new group of people and … to just be me.  Practicing public speaking in front of a crowd of strangers who would become friends with a shared passion.

A statistic I keep hearing year after year is that the majority of new Toastmasters never make it to Project 5 – or past Level 2.   But yet I’ve seen so many Toastmasters at the clubs I visit, at Area contests, and at TLIs who keep coming back, year after year.   If you stick with it, you not only get a lifetime of learning, but a legion of friends who remember who you are.  It’s our own way of being ‘famous’, because when you get a chance to speak, you get a chance to shine.

Will you be the next person to step up and speak?   The future is yours, and the sky is the limit.

An Ah-Ha Moment About Being the Ah Counter

By Jeff Young, I-33 Area Director

Back when we used to have to go in to the office, my company would hold quarterly meetings.   Attendance was mandatory, not just for the information, but also ‘to be seen’,  so that upper management would know that they had happy, engaged employees. These meetings would feature a top executive as a keynote speaker, followed by the heads of various departments talking about how their division was doing.    

After having been a Toastmaster for a few years, I learned to dread one of the recurring speakers.   Every third or fourth word was ‘ah’ , most sentences ended with ‘um’, he would double-clutch now and again, and despite the fact his speech was no longer than the others, it seemed to drag interminably.

My ears had been trained to listen too well.

Meanwhile, whenever our CEO would speak, he would tell a story, smoothly, flawlessly, and with anecdotes.   There’s a reason he’s asked to do industry speeches around the world.

Speaking smoothly, without the hiccups and hitches that a more hesitant and halting speaker would employ, can be a world of difference between making an impact and losing your audience to listener’s lethargy. 

If you’re still not convinced that it’s worth it, here are my three C’s of why counting your Ahs matters:

·         Conciseness –  Every word in our speech matters.    The more ahs and ums you have, the less time you have for your content.   Whether you have a short speech or a long speech, keeping each sentence clean is what makes it memorable.     When Franklin Roosevelt said, ‘We have nothing to fear except fear itself,”   how does it sound if you try it, while adding in a few double clutches and ‘ahs?’

·         Confidence. – When you deliver your speech with proper vocal variety and sharply spaced pauses, each of your points will resonate with your audience.    When you state your data with authority rather than uncertainty, it is as strong as stating a known fact when you don’t lead it with ‘you know’.    And that is how you convince your audience that you are right.  As Ron DeLegge says,  “99 percent of all statistics only tell 49 percent of the story.”    

·         Cadence. –  The strongest speeches have a specific rhythm to them.   Ahs and ums break up that rhythm.   When you quote someone, you must do your utmost to imitate their cadences – and the most famous quotable almost never use ahs!    Would ‘Ah’nold Schwarzenegger sound as impressive if he had said,  “I, um, will be …ah, back?”  

·

       

How to act like a child during your speech to keep your audience attentive

Red-capped manakin, a bird native to Central America, goes to lengths to attract a female bird during mating season. Their vivid, contrasting colors of dark black plumage and red head are not enough to make the females take notice. They have an arsenal of moves that includes pivoting back and forth on a branch, darting back and forth between a branch and surrounding vegetation, and doing circles in flight before returning to the branch. 

But the clincher is a move that resembles moonwalk. The male in moonwalk appears to just glide along the branch; that reliably gets the female’s attention.

When it comes to holding your audience’s attention, you will do well to make moves of your own. Not moonwalk, but something as effective: gestures that add another dimension to your speech and bring together a richer experience for your listeners.

Let’s see how gestures help you keep your audience’s attention.
1. Storytelling
2. A child’s perspective on storytelling
3. Acting is entertaining

Successful speakers have figured out the tricks to making an impact with their speeches. One of the techniques that they use has its roots in something that each one of us has grown up with.

1. Storytelling

We have all probably spent our childhood listening to classic and other stories during bedtime. Some of us have fond memories of watching shows that stay with us through life. It is almost universal that we love movies, though we may differ in our choices of our favorite ones. Some of us have even acted in a play or two.

Common among all of these is the presence of a story that’s being told. When you present a good story, people listen; they watch. They absorb it. You can see how well stories relate to people in watching how it impacts a child.

2. A child’s perspective on storytelling

Shows and movies made for theatre make use of several stimuli in the form of set design, costumes, and more to embellish the impact of the story being told. But the essence of storytelling at its best is seen when a child tries to convey to what happened in his life at school that day. Or what he saw during the last play to which you took him.

Animated, uninhibited, and unaided by props

With the characteristic enthusiasm reserved for children and the associated lack of any inhibition, he takes the stage right in your family room, dining room, or wherever. Out comes the narration of the story, whatever tickled his fancy that day, as he relives his experience he wants to share with you.

While he may use vocal variety as he sees fit, the characteristic feature of his storytelling is the actions, the gestures he makes, and the way he is animated, lost in the story that comes out of him. Be it a story of a pirate ship on the high seas, or that of urchin Gavroche in Parisian troubles captured in the show Les Miserables, his total immersion in the story brings out the message loud and clear.

The beauty of a child’s storytelling is that there are no props, no stage, and no set. He is the consummate storyteller. He is, in fact, an actor. If you can be an actor like him, with a full complement of gestures accompanying, you too will keep your audience spellbound. 

3. Acting is entertaining

By nature, acting is storytelling, and it is engaging. It is engaging because it is entertaining, making the listeners get absorbed in the message. If you can infuse a little storytelling in your speech, any speech, the message you wish to convey makes its way over that much smoother.

How can every speech you plan on giving become a story?

Examples of any idea is, by nature, a story. Large or small, there is a storytelling component. Case studies are somewhat elaborate in setting up the context, defining a problem, and addressing the problem to illustrate the topic of your speech. At other times, even a dry subject like mathematics or physics can be brought to life with concrete and practical examples. In each of these instances, you need a way to let the audience visualize what you are trying to convey.

Gestures paint the picture in the air

With nothing more than a frown of your eyebrow, you can let your audience feel the perplexity of someone in your story, or the absurdity of a situation in your story. There are so many more expressions your face alone can convey. Your hands can bring to life small and big items, rising and falling trends, and much more.

Add the rest of your body in forming these animated expressions, you will be as entertaining and as effective as the child we talked about. All of this without even considering other tools of engagement like vocal variety and eye contact.

Won’t gestures like a child seem too artificial or contrived?

Only when introduced deliberately and just as preconceived strategy. Many speakers realize that gestures are important in their speech. They choreograph planned gestures to embellish the experience. If the immersion in the speech topic and the animation is lacking, it will show. 

The trick is to train to be the character you portray. Good actors do this all the time. They empathize with the character during rehearsals and become their character during the show. You can do the same with the right mindset. If you shed inhibitions like that child, it will soon be second nature to bring out those convincing gestures to wow your audience.

 

Need practice shedding your inhibitions and developing great gestures? Visit us at one of our meetings! Check our meeting dates here.

A powerful way to bond with your audience

‘Yesterday’ was arguably the most successful song that Paul McCartney wrote. Despite having several detractors, this “Beatles” song has enjoyed immense popularity. It was inducted into the Grammy Hall of Fame, voted the best song of the 20th century, and has been named the #1 pop song of all time. Thousands of different versions of it have been recorded by professional singers and was cited by Guinness World Records as the most recorded song of all time.

A success of this magnitude arose because McCartney touched the heart of each listener with the song. He felt it was one of the most instinctive songs he had ever written and this natural flow from his heart helped him bond with his fans.

While McCartney communicated through music, your speech can be as effective in communicating your ideas to your audience if you bond with them. When you establish such a bond, your audience could become your fans too. There are different ways to achieve this bonding but the most powerful is also one of the simplest.

What is bonding with an audience?

As you speak to an audience, large or small, there are several people to whom you are communicating. Bonding in any context is the establishment of a personal connection between individuals. The ultimate bonding during a speech occurs when the listeners feel that you are speaking to them on a personal level.

How would you establish the bonding?

The most powerful technique to initiate the bonding with an audience member during your speech is making eye contact. The simple act of looking at a person as you speak invokes a conversation with that individual. Regardless of how many other eyes are witnessing it, you are now in conversation with that one person. 

Why should you bond with your audience one at a time?

When a listener feels that the speaker is speaking directly to them, they feel interested in that conversation. They pay more attention to what you say and would react to it with their own gestures that resemble a dialog. They may nod to indicate agreement, smile or laugh or offer several other subtle gestures as feedback to your talking to them. This engagement energizes you and helps you deliver your speech with more conviction and comfort. After you establish a connection with someone, even as you fix your gaze on someone else later on, the relationship persists through the speech. One by one, you draw in all of your audience to your message.

Who would you bond with in a large gathering?

A small gathering is intimate; so it is usually natural to feel at ease starting a conversation with someone sitting near you. It is also likely that you can bond with every one of your listeners. In a large gathering, several of the audience members seem too far away. However, you will be amazed how easy it is to make eye contact even at a distance. It is not possible to do this with every single individual when there are so many, but you should spread your attention to all parts of the audience and pick a person in each ‘neighborhood’ to follow this technique. This balanced approach draws everyone in.

How long would you bond with one person?

The eye contact should last long enough to signal a personal conversation, but not too long. Some audience members may feel uneasy if your gaze is fixed on them for too long, and other members may feel left out if you cling to just one person for too long. It is generally good to linger long enough to make a quick point with a sentence or two, and then move on to make the next point.

When would you not focus on bonding?

There are times when you may have a visual aid or making specific gestures that bring out a story when you suspend your efforts to make eye contact. As long as most of your speech paid attention to eye contact and the resulting bonding, the segments where you don’t do it feel a natural extension of the bonding experience. Remember, even in one on one conversation, there are times when you may need to look away to convey a point.

Unexpected benefits

Before I joined Toastmasters, I thought it was just people getting together giving speeches. When I decided I wanted to become a motivational speaker about living a holistic healthier life, it was suggested that I join a Toastmasters club. So I did. What I found there was much more than I had imagined.

What’s in a name? Plenty, when it comes to Pathways

Are you one of those that is bewildered trying to conquer Pathways? It’s still a new program and people still have issues with it.

There are many nuances to making a smooth transition to Pathways. It’s been with us for about a year and a half. Yet we keep hearing of old timers not budging and making the switch—many are using the old paradigm to complete milestones.

There is extensive help on the topic available online, but not enough to clear up all the confusion. I want to address three specific items that had baffled me and became clearer when I attended the TLI (Toastmasters Leadership Institute) earlier this month.